Monday, September 28, 2009

1000 views... Any excuse for a party?

Sorry guys, I'm not old enough to buy the alcohol.

Thanks for your support, through reading and commenting! As i've said before I love all my readers. (But those who comment I love more)

Imagine, if I had had google adwords from the start I may have made twenty pence already. *Gasp* I'm well on my way to online phenonemon status. :P

Thanks again and have fun getting drunk well into the night without me :)

I'd like to take this oppurtunity to highlight some of my older posts which you may not have read.

Diary of a semi retired paperboy

Long way or not even long enough to warrant a search for your iPod

My Midnight wander, Stars and constellations (or lack there of)

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Glasgow! Bean cans! and a couple of LPs!

I was in Glasgow yesterday, not up to much…

I was supposed to be buying someone a present as well… instead I managed to buy them nothing and buy myself five CDs and two LPs. I got every single thing under £6 each… *Bargain* Ye, I’m hopeless with money, if it is in my pocket then it “burns a hole”, so I need to spend it quickly.

The Kinks – Singles collection
The Who – Then and now (Including the song “Pinball wizard” which bears some relevance)
Bob Dylan – The collection
Bryan Adams – Anthology
Jimi Hendrix –Experience Hendrix

Eric Clapton
Bryan Adams

I’ve found I’ve always wanted a Vinyl record. Don’t know why, but I have a record player so why not? Tonight I’ll try those two LPs tonight and have a hunt through my Dads old records. Old school ;)

It was funny, I was at my Grandmothers house on the way back from Glasgow, for some reason my Grandad (or Papa as we call him… Glaswegian) was saying how I need to build some muscle, he was saying I need to go home and get the bean cans and start doing bicep curls with them. He was like-

“Look, I’ll show you”

He tensed to reveal muscular arms. He told me how he had been using the bean cans every day (no doubt for the last 60 odd years of his life!). He now expects me to be stronger next time I see him now that he has given me his expert advice… (It certainly worked for him!)

It is time to hit the Bean Cans!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Be it Talk like a pirate day?

It was, on the 19th September (Every year) “International Talk like a pirate day”. That was just last Saturday, anyone reading this involved in “Talk like a pirate day”?

Unfortunately I forgot about it on the day so I wasn’t speaking like a pirate and I didn’t see an single pirate either! *Not even a single eyepatch*

Although, after browsing the net a little bit I found that tomorrow is
National Comic book day! So, I’ll dig out the Spiderman pyjamas I owned when I was five and I’ll attempt to squeeze into them… and fail no doubt...

Those pyjamas made me feel

Monday, September 21, 2009

Kitchen work, work experience and Fairy cakes.

*Phew*, hard week over.

I’ve been gaining my “work experience” for this last week. Basically it’s where we get a week off school (What could be better?) to go and work for a company. You get a “certain degree of choice” into what you work as, that is if you get to pick near the beginning. I was quite near the end and ended up with a job, which quite frankly, wasn’t the best one there. I was a Kitchen assistant for a week. Not bad I suppose and I will say that in the end I did actually quite enjoy it.

I didn’t get that much experience of talking to old people staying at the home but there was one particular table at lunch time which had very friendly occupants. They kept, kept bringing up my height… basically making lots of tall jokes about me. ( I’m about 6’2)

“I think we need a stepladder to talk to you.”

“Six foot or seven foot?”

Me - “How are you?”
Friendly old man - “Fine, except I’m getting a sore neck looking up at you”

This next one isn’t a joke but it certainly made me laugh,

“He is going to go home and tell his friends how bad it is here because he is getting cheesed off by all the tall jokes. Are you getting cheesed off?”

…Cheesed off?...

These were the nicest old people you could hope to meet!

During the week I cried twice (Spanish onions!). I was also verbally abused by an old women (Some old folks weren’t very nice). I chopped carrots, leeks, 'taters and all sorts. I swept, wept...(Haha guys!) and ate. So ye, if you ever need to your Carrots sliced or instant mashed… well… mashed… give me a ring :)

The “Head chef” (One of two chefs, me being the second) said he would be impressed if I didn’t cut myself (I did a lot of chopping, dicing, slicing and peeling). I had some close shaves but didn’t draw blood... Seriously… the knife might slip *MajorWoopsie* (I wouldn’t say that if I lost a finger by the way) and it would be a very close shave. When I say shave I mean that close to my fingers. Close enough to “shave” them. Every time I slipped the knife I found myself counting my fingers. (Counting even more so than I do in my average maths lesson).

I didn’t cut myself but I did receive one injury. Now don’t laugh, I burnt myself… I was supposed to tell you that I got it saving someone from a blaze but I’ll tell you the truth readers, it was in fact as I tried to rescue… here it comes… the fairy cakes from the oven! Not the manliest way to hurt oneself, don’t worry though, I took it like a man… I went for the classic chefs swear word routine… It was Gordon Ramsay style. (Or maybe not quite… in fact not at all.)

*I'll be back!* Tommorow I hope :)

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Aerial strike

There has been an Aerial strike on my street.

Before you ask no, our houses haven't been bombed by Aeroplanes.

Although "Rebels" have passed through the area. Yes, the idiots that have nothing better to do with their lifes, so... they go along our street unscrewing Aerials from car rooftops.

If I'm in the car with my parents now I cannot listen to the radio, instead I'm stuck with a bunch of random CDs.

Damn. That is a major nuisance. Major.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

A nice old lady, lots of melon and some kind of strange incurable melon addiction!

I remember one particularly vivid childhood memory, (when I said childhood I meant like four years ago). It involved a nice old lady, Sunday lunch and a lot of melon. Now I was staying at my Moms-Moms house, so my Grandmas house and one of my Grandmas friends had invited me and my mom to Sunday lunch. Of course we obliged and in the most part the meal was fine and not particularly memorable now at all.

We finished the meal and then she came through with a bowl full of pieces of melon… Now I do not like melon but there was only a manageable amount on my plate so I obliged, I mean... one can’t reject food from a nice old lady, especially when she prepares it specially. Seemingly I kept turning around and every time I did so, she popped an extra piece of melon on my plate or at least that’s how it seemed to work out.
“Your just like my grandson Nick, he simply loves melon.” She exclaimed,

I’m just like,

“Oh, Goodness no! You’ve got me all wrong nice old lady!”

Of course I didn’t say that, I mean... one can’t say such things to a nice old lady.

I finish the melon pieces,

“Don’t worry there is plenty more from melons where that came, let me just prepare some more.” She reassures me.

Of course when a nice old lady offers you extras one has to oblige but that is a unspoken rule I’ve never heard of, unfortunately so much melon had already got into my blood stream I couldn’t be saved, melons have haunted my nightmares for my life thus far and no doubt will until I realize how good they taste with Sugar Puffs (That’s a different story guys, don’t sweat it.).

Anyway, this old lady is very nice, she is a very nice old lady unfortunately she thinks I have some kind of strange incurable melon addiction.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Search me on google with a bunch of completely random keywords.

Recently I have started getting very, very small amounts of traffic through search engines. Which I suppose is pretty exciting because it brings more people to entertain! (I get more readers *I love you all, those who comment i love more*!)

Anyway, if that was the focus of this post it would suck but… I am going to share keywords that people have actually searched (and found me with) and even wackier ones that you could potentially find me with.

Ok, so according to Google analytics I have had 14 hits via Google. Admittedly, four out of the eleven hits where actually me searching myself with a keyword that no one else will ever use… (Unless I become an online phenomenon. *Cross your fingers everybody!*)

That keyword was Colinbloginit and if you google it, you getting 39 results entirely about me! (I'm a online phenomenon :O *Not quite)

Other keywords that have actually been used to find me include-

“voi jeans” “post a comment”


Inhumane mouse trap

Nothing to lose movie cars

Nothing to lose movie security guard

Nothing to lose security guard scene

Song from security guard scene nothing to lose

I should have warned you they were random… But what you could find me with is even worse!

For example-

If you ever search “82800 seconds in minutes” you will find me, who the heck searches that!


“star constellations” according to webmaster tools I come 17th if you search that, if I did I would be impressed but I cannot find myself!

If you type in “Diary of a semi-retired paperboy” I am very near the top but c’mon, I don’t suppose there are many “semi-retired paperboys” out there, let alone ones that write a blog about it.

Only today someone found me by searching, “how long before you take a break on a computer”, this person obviously spends 25 hours a day on the computer and was wondering if he had broken some kind of world record.

(He certainly has!)

A potential search which I am actually surprised about is the words “Nothing to lose movie”, where I am ranked on the second page of a google! Now this is a famous movie, starring Tim Robbins and Mark Lawrence, although I’m surprised to say I haven’t got any hits from that exact phrase.

My favourite potential search is “The sugar puff incident” It is the kind of thing that nobody would ever… ever search! Although if you ever forget my URL it will come in handy, just Google “The sugar puff incident” and you will find me in second and third place. An extremely minor achievement indeed! *Any excuse for a party though ;)*

Any interesting keywords from your blog?

Saturday, September 5, 2009

The problem with siblings: They steal particularly “cool” items of my clothing

My clothes seem to go missing a lot and I have came to the conclusion that my brothers are behind it (Every thing bad happens because of them!). Shorts, T-Shirts, tops, socks everything goes missing. My brother just came back from America, since then he has borrowed a pair of Basketball shorts, went out for a run in them then came back and put them back on my pile of clothing. They sit there for me to pick up and wear without knowing they are dirty. If he goes for another run in the next few days (doubtful *chuckle*) then he will pick them up again, wear them again and then put them back again… For the third time… again?... (I am very cautious not to wear those shorts anymore, I never know if they are clean or not!)

There was a Basketball t-shirt and hooded top he said he liked… The top has been missing since he left for America (Coincidently of course!), since then I have been forced to safeguard the T-shirt! Damn, I liked that top…

A fleece has also gone missing after my brother borrowed it and also many, many socks… (So maybe that’s where the socks have got too!)

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Missing Sock, Reward

So many socks go missing in my household. Never pairs of socks! No, I find myself with “pairs” and “pairs” of mismatched socks. I often find myself saying “Well, they are both primary colours… and they are both socks… so they will have to do!”

I definitely need some new socks; I think I’ll go for a sock hunt around the house sometime. (Behind the behind my computer, in the bushes outside, on the roof, in my pocket, in my last hotel I stayed in. You know... the places you least expect right?)

Spare odd socks? Give me a shout; I’m due a few... Who cares if the are odd?

(Tell me if you read this, let me know what you think:)